These small gummed squares or rectangles of paper are widely regarded as one of the best media for the high-speed acquisition of a Comfortable Lifestyle — and with good reason, because the 1856 British Guiana penny stamp is now worth half a million pounds, an appreciation rate of 20,000,000,000 per cent, which is not bad. People who bought these stamps back in 1856 and did not hang on to them must be kicking themselves now.

All you have to do with stamps is to stick them into albums and then wait and you will become hugely well-heeled. You must be careful not to bruise their patinations or blot their escutcheons, as this lowers their value. The only snag is you have to know which stamps to keep; for example, the 1857 St Lucia twopenny blue is still only worth twopence because it is hardly possible to buy a Giant Kilobag of Colonial Assorted without running into at least half a dozen of the little devils. So collect only rare ones.

Stamp collecting is now becoming very specialised, so many people with an eye for the Long-Term Investment collect only one kind of stamp, e.g. stamps from one country only, although this is difficult in the case of Monaco because they change their stamps twice a week because of all the stranded gamblers writing home for more money. For myself, I only collect stamps worth more than £400 which can be purchased for under a fiver, as I have found this is the most profitable kind of Collecting. Or you can collect First Day Covers which are on sale whenever you find immensely long queues at the Post Office. This Scientific Approach to stamps is known as Philately, after a Mr Philip Atterly, its earliest exponent, who now lives in Considerable Luxury in one of those Pacific Islands with mangoes in the middle of its 6 cents purple.Antique Collection

Stamps come in two varieties: definitives and commemoratives. Definitives are the ordinary little ones with the king’s head on; Commemoratives are the big ones showing mangoes or elephant seals in the mating ritual. The true initiate does not bother with these per se - he only collects ones that have gone wrong for one reason or another. These errors are very interesting in showing small blobs on the Queen’s neck at 500 times magnification. This makes them very valuable, particularly to people with powerful microscopes.

A few technical terms to help you compete with the professional:

Perforation (abbr. Perf.) Little holes between stamps to keep them apart. Imperf stands for Imperfect Perforations, which are the kind that always result in dislocation of the Queen’s neck.

Penny Black Girl who appears on the earliest British stamp.

Postmark Attempt to obliterate design of stamp by postman.

Postman Courier who brings stamps to the collector.

Watermark Valuable smudge on stamp when dropped by postman into a puddle.

Postage dues Spacial stamp that tells you that you have not put a stamp on a letter. These are cheap stamps to collect.

Charity Stamp For typical set of these send only £5 to General Post Office, Lesser Masteronia, Outer Antilles.

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Stamps Collection