There is no need to pay a King’s Ransom for something Old and Aesthetically top-notch. A true devotee of the Money-Making Scheme will have to cut out the middleman to go directly to the source of the goodies, i.e. people’s homes, wherein lurks an Aladdin’s Cave of unsuspected treasures. Several of my neighbours in Mediterranean watering spots owe their leisurely afternoons on the patio to shrewd footslogging around the suburbs of Barnsley, while more than one celebrated exponent of the orchestrated versions of the Hits of Paul McCartney has his salon graced by a piece that originated in the villages surrounding Tiverton. The trade of the ‘knocker‘ can be a lucrative one, and one that lifts the Thing of Beauty from an environs where it may be wasted as a receptacle for empty Daddies Sauce bottles to one where it will be appreciated by someone of Good Taste and piles of the folding stuff. Of course, some people will be a little reluctant to part with their possessions, and the following technique is a tried and tested one in this situation:

Antique Collection

Get inside the door by saying you are doing a thesis on Domestic Motifs in the latter half of the twentieth century from the nearest University Sociology Department.

Pretend to be bowled over by the flights of china swans over the mantlepiece or the Souvenir of Margate ashtray and similar absolute Rubbish. Meanwhile cast your eyes around for any of the Good Stuff.

Offer a fiver for the flight of swans, or model of Princess Margaret made from sea shells, etc.

‘Notice’ the good item by accident. By a strange co-incidence your mother has a matching item that goes to make up the set. The poor lady is suffering from a rare and incurable condition of the kidneys and the said item may well bring back the twinkle into her old eyes, even though it is valueless in those of the World. Offer a quid.

With any luck they will refuse your offer for the swans, but take the quid for Meissen Kleinplastik. Another priceless object will have been wrested from the philistines for the connoisseur, withall due pecuniary perks to the finder.

As so often with Creative Money-making, it is only a question of finding something that somebody does not want and selling it to somebody who wants it, even if the person that has it does not know what it is, and the person that wants it does not know where it came from. This is one of the Conundrums of Capitalism.

Once you have made a few decent killings you can start employing your own team of ‘knockers‘.

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